The Roommate Chapter 13

FF Fuckery is at it again. I normally wouldn't post the chapter on here, but since I don't know how long this is going to last with FF, I've decided to go for it. I'd love for you to leave a comment here, but if you aren't a fan of blogger, I hope to hear from you when it is finally available on FF : )

A/N: Before I get to the chapter, I need to say something and then I'll be done with it. I don't normally do large A/N's before chapters but I feel like not everyone reads after and I feel it's important.

First of all, I appreciate that everyone likes and writes different stories. If we all liked or wrote the same thing, this fanfiction thing or any story for that matter would be shit. After the last chapter,I had a few reviewers who decided to "threaten me" with flouncing if I did not write this story the way they wanted it written. Newsflash: It's not your story, it's mine. I'm sorry, but that really irked me. If you don't like it, move on. I don't need to be threatened with flouncing. I know not everyone is going to like this story and that's completely fine, but if you think you're going to pressure me into writing YOUR story, not happening.

Aside from the humor, I wrote this story because I believe in love. I believe in mistakes. I believe in regret and redemption and I believe in second chances. I want to thank those who understand that (and most of you do. even a lot of you that didn't were nice enough to be mature in your review) and was speechless from the reviews that I did receive stating that. I was honestly a little scared to post that chapter bc I know the stigma about "cheating" fics. I personally do not consider what Bella did cheating (I know people have other opinions and that's fine), but I just think they both made some major mistakes and they had to live with the consequences. That's not a ridiculous thing to live through, it's human. And in a fantastic, wonderful coincidence from the fanfic outline universe, this chapter embodies everything that I believe in about this story.

*Forrest Gump voice* And that's all I have to say about that. I now return you to your regularly scheduled chapter. p.s. it's a shorter chapter but I wanted to end it where I ended it.

---

I stood in the doorway for an eternity, trying to catch my breath or tell my feet to move. I was frozen, paralyzed by fear. What am I supposed to say now?

Step. Step. Step. I moved slowly towards him, my arms out in front of me in a cautious advance.

Edward refused to look at me. His eyes were still focused straight ahead, even when I came to stand before him. The glow from the streetlights illuminated his face a little and I could see a small cut on his cheek. There was a drip of dry blood on his skin, lingering just below it.

I knelt down between his legs and sniffled as I reached to assess the damage. He flinched and hissed as I touched his cheek.

I silently got up and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a Ziplock bag and reached inside the freezer to get some ice. As soon as there was enough in the bag, I grabbed a soft washcloth and returned to the living room. He still hadn't moved.

I knelt back down in front of him and lightly placed the ice to his cheek. He flinched again, although a little less this time.

"Edward," I whispered. His eyes were dark. I couldn't tell if they were angry or sad. Or maybe a little of both. I realized then that I never told him what happened that night. The night I spent with Jake. I didn't deserve to tell it, but he deserved to hear the truth. I couldn't live anymore with him not knowing.

"It was the week after we broke up...the second to last time." I lowered my head.

"Bella, don't." He shook his head and finally looked at me.

"It's not an excuse," I said. The tears started to well up in my eyes again and I knew it was a matter of moments before they spilled down my cheeks. "It's an explanation. I think you deserve an explanation, Edward."

"Do I?" He asked. I wondered if he meant for me to really answer that or if he was asking himself.

When he didn't say anything else, I spoke again.

"I was a mess. I know I should have known..." I sniffled. "I knew how we were, I knew it. But something about it felt so final and I just...I believed what you told me. You said you were leaving for college. You said you couldn't do long distance. I believed we were over." My heart clenched at the memory as I examined his face again. "Alice invited me out for ice cream, you know to cheer me up." The tears started streaming down my face. Everything was blurry. I couldn't even see his eyes anymore. "My phone rang right as I was walking in. Alice was begging with me not to come in, but it was too late. I saw you. You were...with her." I wiped my nose. "Nuzzling her neck and kissing her cheek. That Junior girl. I couldn't breathe, thinking that you'd move on so quickly. I thought
everything between us was a lie and it...it broke my heart all over again," I stuttered.

Edward dropped his head into his hands and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I ran out before you saw me. Jake was coming in with his friends from the Rez. He was my best friend, Edward. He saw how upset I was and invited me out to his place for a party. He thought it might take my mind off things. We both drank way too much and I woke up the next morning in his bed. We both cried when we realized what had happened." I shook my head and felt the heat rush to my cheeks. "I don't even...remember. I was so ashamed. It was...the biggest mistake I ever made, especially when I realized that even after everything we were going through I still wished it had been you." I thought my fingers were trembling against his skin, but it was my whole body. I was shaking. "I d-d-don't deserve forgiveness. Nothing I can say or do can...take back what happened and I understand that, but I just...I wanted you to know that it didn't happen because I didn't love you, it was because I loved you too much and I thought I'd lost you." I sobbed and stood up. "It's okay if you want nothing to do with me. It's okay," I whispered.

I set down the ice pack and shuffled back into my room in a daze as my soft cries echoed down the hallway. I crawled into bed, not bothering to undress or even take off these skyscraper shoes Alice had put me in. My head rested softly against my pillow as the tears began to collect on the fabric, creating dark pools beneath my cheeks. At the rate I was going, I was starting to wish I had a pillow made of Sham Wows.

I never thought I'd fall asleep after the emotional roller coaster I just experienced, but it must have worn me out because I did. I didn't remember when the line of reality and dream began to blur, but I knew it had been crossed when I found myself standing in Edward's bedroom at the Cullen's house. I felt the panic I felt that night. I felt the hurt. I felt the pieces of my heart falling to the floor.

"I just..." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't see how this is going to work." There were dark circles under his eyes as he spoke. I noticed the mounds of paper around his room, stacks of books on his desk, college admissions packets. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping. I knew he'd been stressed out about college and life after high school and just...life, but I didn't ever think it would amount to this. He was breaking up with me.

"But...people do it all the time. I won't be very far, I can visit..." I was grasping at straws, trying my best to convince him that our relationship could work. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was willing to do it because I loved him. Even with him crushing me, suffocating me with his harsh words, I loved him. I was starting to realize how dangerous love was. People who love hard, fall hard, hurt hard. Loving someone this much was giving them the power. He had the power to break me. And for some reason I didn't understand he was using it.

"Bella, please don't make this any harder than it already is..." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're just stressed, sweetheart. This will blow over." I reached out to take his hand and he stepped away. "Edward?" I shook my head in surprise before I started to get angry. "I know you feel like you can't control anything else in your life right now. I get that. Just because you can control this doesn't mean that you have the right to..."

It all made sense to me. He was grasping for something that he could hold onto. Something to make him feel like he had some type of power in his life. Apparently our relationship was it.

He felt unsure about college. His parents had been pressuring him into making a decision. He was terrified of the pressures of med school. Several colleges had offered him an athletic scholarship. His friends were all leaving. I was leaving. Everything was changing. Maybe he just couldn't handle it all. We've all been there, right? You feel like your world doesn't make sense and you fight for control over the one thing that does. It was exactly what I was doing now. Except I was on the complete opposite side.

"Edward, please," I said. "Everything's going to be okay. We'll make it through."

"I uh...I already packed your things for you." He nodded to a small box in the corner. I saw a couple of my shirts and jewelry that I'd accidentally left here on occasion. As soon as I saw the box, I knew something was different about this time. He'd never given me back my things before.

"I..." I stuttered as I struggled to breathe. "I don't understand." My eyes stung with tears. "You love me."

"I love you," he said. "I just can't be with you. It's too much." He ran his fingers through his hair and tapped his feet against the floor. He was fighting it, I could see it. He was fighting himself and all I could do is hope that my Edward would win because this person in front of me wasn't him. But he never did.

Tugging at my feet woke me from my sleep and ripped me away from my memories. My eyes fluttered a bit as I looked down towards the end of the bed. Edward set down one of my shoes and reached for the other. He carefully held onto my foot and pulled it off before setting it down with its companion.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said. He sucked his lip between his teeth and lingered at the end of the bed.

"S' okay." I sniffled. My eyes felt gross and crusty. I wiped at them and cleared my throat. "How's your cheek?"

"Hurts like Hell."

"I'm sorry about what happened at the club. I didn't know...I bet Alice feels terrible." I laid back down and sighed. If I had no idea what to say before, it didn't compare to now. I had no words. Literally none to rectify or ease this moment. It was the aftermath. Not just of what happened at the bar, but of everything. It was years in the making, but it was still harsh nonetheless. "Goodnight, Edward," I finally said, unsure of where his head was at or what he was thinking.

I snuggled back into my bed and stared out the window as I anxiously waited for him to retreat to his room. I sighed in relief when I heard his footsteps across the floor and nearly fainted when I felt him sink down onto the bed behind me.

I turned over on my back and watched him as he took his shoes off and shrugged out of his vest and shirt. He laid back on the bed and rested his hands behind his head.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You got your explanation. Now I want mine." He slipped under the blankets and turned towards me.

"I was an idiot for breaking up with you. You didn't deserve to take the fall for the stress I was feeling about everything else and your absence and everything that happened afterward tore me apart. It wasn't just your fault. It was mine." He paused. "And I'm sorry I ruined your birthday. Maybe we needed to talk about this, but that wasn't the time or place and it wasn't okay for me to react the way I did." He hesitantly brushed my hair out of my face. I started to speak, tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Jacob was a tough subject for him and he was blindsided. I didn't like his reaction, but I can't say that I didn't understand it at least a little.

"You aren't the only one who made a mistake, Bella," he interrupted me. "I didn't understand that then, but I understand it now. And...I forgive you if you can forgive me."

"You can't forgive me," I said, my voice calm and steady. "It's not forgivable."

"But it is. Because I just did."

"No." I shook my head. "You can't."

"Damn it woman, I just did." A hint of a smile touched his lips and I saw a bit of my Edward peeking out from his expression. I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to be heartbroken when I realized I was making it up. But here it was. Plain as day. Forgiveness.

"We have a lot to work on," I admitted.

"I never said we didn't."

I was crying again. Not because I was sad. It was because I couldn't believe this was happening. He was still here. He didn't leave and he didn't hate me. Most of all, he understood. Maybe we had to step back and take a serious look at us and what we were to each other, but even that step back was a step in the right direction. It was all I could ever ask for.

"One more thing," he said. "I'm sorry you had to see that at the ice cream shop, I had...no idea until now that you did. And just for the record, I was forcing it. She was a distraction. It just didn't work with her."

"Why not?"

"Because she wasn't you."

---

A/N: And some of you doubted a HEA after that last chapter. Our couple is on their way to a REAL second chance at love. More still to be revealed about what was going on in Bella's head, especially in regards to her feelings towards Edward at the beginning of the story.

Love Like Winter is a few chapters away from completion so if you haven't started that yet, its a good time to start : )

Please go check out the TLS Lyrics & Lemons entries (link on my profile) There were 11 entries last time I checked and they are all unique and wonderful (plus one is mine). Leave some love for the authors and make sure to vote when the poll opens!

Lastly, thank you again to everyone who voted for The Roommate at the Giggle/Snort Awards. I had no idea it was even nominated so having people going to vote for it when I didn't even ask you to is amazing. I was runner up in Best All Human Story! Thanks!

See you next week :)